Tag: #winning

Month 11 Week 3

“The scale (devil) is a lie” M.Ross

A few months ago I decided I wanted to upgrade my scale. All over social media I kept hearing about this scale called Renpho. This scale not only gives you your weight, but gives you BMI, body fat, fat free body weight, subcutaneous fat, visceral fat, body water, skeletal muscle, muscle mass, bone mass, protein, BMR, and metabolic age. Yea I can feel you rolling your eyes right now.

The issue was I thought all this information would be amazing. Remember as kids we were told “the more you know.” I thought I wanted to know more. I was wrong, ya’ll know that’s coming LOL. Anywho, I was excited and didn’t really think hard about buying the scale because it was under $20 on Amazon. The scale I already owned cost more than that and didn’t do half of this amazing stuff. Oh did I mention it gives you all this information via bluetooth to your phone. WHAT!

Ok so scale was ordered and of course it arrived at my home two days later. If you are a weighing pro you know you can’t weigh yourself in the middle of the day after you’ve sipped water all day LOL. You have to weigh first thing in the morning after you pee and after you have taken off all your clothes and jewelry. This is the only true way to weigh.

The next morning I was all excited to step on my fancy scale. Oh I need to mention I was already expecting my weight to be off because new scales never show the weight of your last scale. They always add a few pounds. Yes this is my story and I’m sticking to it.

Sooooo what happened? The scale hurt my damn feelings. The weight was not the problem. The weight was actually the same as it had been on the old scale. That’s what pissed me off. That means the damn thing was working properly. What upset me was all this other data I thought I needed. You know that saying “the scale doesn’t know how much muscle or fat you have.” Well this scale did and I was a hot mess.

I stepped on the scale and weighed 271. Again the weight was not the issue. My BMI was 40.1, not shocked. Here is where I went crazy. My Fat Free Body Weight was 129 and my Metabolic Age was 49. First off my head is too big to weight 129 and I was 44 when I got the damn scale.

Now before you all go acting crazy saying you have to carry some fat to live, if you think I don’t know that stop reading. Remember being fat makes you a pro at all things weight related. The shock to me was that I had 149 pounds of weight. You look like you need some reference.

Things that weigh 150 pounds: white tailed deers, red kangaroos, cougars, mountain lions, 1/2 small panda, 2.5 Dalmatians, or five car tires. I’m just going to focus on the last part for more visuals. An average passenger tire weighs about 27 pounds. So I was carrying a cars worth of tires plus a spare. Yea irony huh. My spare tire was literally a spare tire.

Moving right along. I was feeling like hot garbage. Why did I think I needed all this stuff? What did I think it would tell me? If I didn’t think I was fat before, this scale was a reality check. This was not a good purchase at all.

After I regrouped from my shock I realized this scale did exactly what it said it would. It told me all the stuff it said it would. The box had a huge picture showing the display and how it would provide me with data. I thought I could change the outcome of the data. I thought I was special.

This scale reminded me a lot of a long term relationship I was in. For years I was cheated on. The man would look me in the face and tell me he loved me then sleep with someone else probably the same day. I want to tell you this happened one time, but this blog is all about truth and the truth is it lasted almost ten years. I fell in love in my teens and into my twenties I let this man dictate my worth. Problem was he was a Renpho scale. He showed me everyday who he was, yet I thought I was special. I thought if I stepped on the scale the right way, if I ate some different stuff, if I did what I thought he wanted me to do, the outcome would be different. It never was. Over time without me knowing, this beat me down, and was the beginning of my battle with depression. Therapy got me here people.

I’m about to shock you with what I say next. I don’t blame this man. I don’t blame him because again he showed me who he was, time and time again. Women will always tell you about the little things. The little things that happen that let them know something is off. These were big ass things that I chose to ignore, and that was all on me. The reason I don’t blame this man is because while he broke me he provided me with something I love more than life itself, my son. My son was also what helped me leave this toxic relationship. I needed to set a good example to my son, and his dad cheating on his mom was not a good look.

Years later my sons dad apologized. Ironically it was just one week prior to his death. He was accidentally killed in a motor cycle accident. As you all know I believe everything happens for a reason. I haven’t gotten to the bottom of all the reason but what I learned is when a Renpho shows itself, you need to listen. You saw the signs and you chose to ignore them, stop ignoring them.

My husband has a saying which I love. “Fix Yourself.” Right now that’s where I am. I’m fixing myself. One day at a time I’m reducing that number on that scale. One day at a time I’m putting my life back together. I not only need to shed some spare tires, but I need to shed some hurt feelings. It’s hard not to bring our old baggage into new relationships, but as Erykah Badu said:

Bag lady you goin’ hurt your back

Dragging all em bags like that

I guess nobody ever told you

All you must hold on to

Is you, is you, is you

One day at a time. One Pound @ A time. I’m improving and I hope you are too. Look at that number on that scale and vow to change it. Look at your current relationship and decide how you are going to make it better or let it go. My back is already jacked up. I need to let some shit go. I can’t keep dragging all em bags like that.

Month 9 Week 2

“I’m not beautiful like you, I’m beautiful like ME” – Unknown

Today I got to celebrate another birthday with my son. He turned 13. I still can’t believe I have a 13 year old but I’m even more shocked that I have a 20 year old. As I was looking back at pictures of my son I just kept saying how cute and tiny he was. I think that’s what every parent says about their kids. I then looked back at baby pictures of myself and thought the exact same thing. I wasn’t a tiny child, but I was cute with my little pigtails and ribbons. I couldn’t help but smiling.

This made me think. When did we stop liking ourselves? What happened to us that made us question if we were cute or small or funny? Did someone tell us that or did we just tell ourselves? For many people I know they can remember the exact moment when that happened. This post isn’t about that moment. This post is about the moment you change that language.

In our mission to write our “To Don’t List” I also want you to begin to write something you like about yourself. I know it sounds crazy, but I also know some people may struggle. I’m going to leave this comment right here. If you don’t like you how can you expect anyone else to like you. You have to know your own worth and learn to value yourself. Stop waiting on someone else to validate you. It’s time you learn to love yourself.

Today I decided I loved my hair. I didn’t always love it. I always wanted hair like someone else. I can’t say that I wanted straight hair or curly hair. As I kid I just wanted hair like other people. What’s funny is my hair was in the middle of my back and I hacked it off around 7th grade. People would have killed to have hair as long as mine and I was chopping mine off. Let’s say I didn’t appreciate myself in 7th grade. I’m sure you all can relate.

I want you to notice the grey which I love. I’ve earned every strand of that grey and even when I dye my hair the grey doesn’t really go away. I’ve had grey hair since I was eight. Both my kids also have that trait. Notice how some parts are curly and others are straight. It simply does what it wants and honestly I’ve learned to be ok with that. It can be long or short. Depends on the day and what it plans on doing.

My hair does what it does depending on the day. I can’t tame it and I’ve stopped trying. I’ve just learned to love it as it is. Imagine how amazing I will be when I learn to love myself the way I love my hair. Hopefully this exercise gets me one step closer.

So add to the “To Don’t List” don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t do yourself any harm. Hopefully when you are done you smile just a little.

Month 9 Week 1

“Deciding what not to do is as important as deciding what to do” – Steve Jobs

I am the queen of making a “To do List”. Each night I make a list of the things I plan to do the next day. Yesterday I wrote I needed to get my blog done today. I seriously think you always need a plan if you plan to get anything done. My list are a little more lax on the weekends but come Sunday night you will catch me with my planner and fancy pen getting ready for Monday.

I am also a big fan of time blocking. I decide what my “One Thing” will be and make sure I get that accomplished first thing in the morning. If you have not checked out that book you need to. It really transformed how I think about things on a day to day basis.

Plug for “The One Thing” by Gary Keller.

Ironically this post is not about a to do list. It’s about a to don’t list. I didn’t even plan for this to be my thing for the month but as usual God had another plan. Last week I took my son on The Donut Trail. The Donut Trail consist of twelve local donut shops in our area. You start off by getting a passport from either a donut shop or online. At each stop you collect a stamp and when you have all the stamps you get a free t-shirt. For the past three years my son and I have done the trail in one day. Yes we drive to twelve donut shops and each get a donut and a stamp. When we are done we pick up our free t-shirt then head to breakfast. If you are thinking this is insane it is. What makes it crazier is we have to start at 6am-7am because many of the donuts shops run out of donuts and close. If you miss one stamp you get no t-shirt. That would defeat the purpose of the adventure so we set our alarms and get moving.

To be clear you don’t have to do the trail in one day. Its just so much fun and such a bonding thing its become tradition. We look forward to our free shirt and we always wear them for the first day of school. We almost missed this year due to Covid but we were so glad all the shops were able to reopen. Not only do we get to support local businesses but just spending time with my kids is priceless.

As you can imagine coming home with twelve donuts a piece is crazy. What stresses me more is that all the donuts are delicious. I am not going to post pictures of the donuts but I really wanted to. My favorite is The Buckeye. This is a cake donut with peanut butter cream in the center drizzled with chocolate. It’s as good as it sounds. My sons favorite is a glaze donut that is topped lucky charms. If that was the extent of the great donuts we wouldn’t be fat. No there was a cheesecake donut this year, apple fritters the size of bears claws, something called a sugar square which is exactly what it sounds like, and a chocolate/vanilla twist. Every year I think I have seen it all and these artisans surprise me. Donut making is an art and I give these bakeries all the credit for getting up at 1am to make donuts. FYI- two of the shops open at 3am.

I’m sorry. I have you all wanting donuts. Snap out of it.

Anywho because of this donut wonderland the first day I ate three donuts. The second day I ate three more. I realized at this rate I would eat a dozen donuts in four days and that just sounded fat. Not as fat at eating a dozen Krispie Kreme because you see the “Hot and Ready” sign but just as fat. By the way I don’t eat Krispie Kreme donuts. I’m not a glaze fan but I put the reference in the blog for my best friend. She better be reading this. I hope the shame prevents her from eating the whole dozen.

Getting back to my point. By day three I realized I needed to do something. On the top of my journal I wrote “I will not eat a donut today”. That was it. That simple phrase. I was going to call it a win if I made it through the day without eating a donut. Guess what? I did.

I don’t know if that was the spark that got me going in the right direction but it seemed like I got my mojo back after that. The next day I wrote “I’m not going to sit during my conference call”. I didn’t write what I was going to do, but I knew I wasn’t going to sit. When the time came for the conference call I got out of my chair and figured I might as well walk on the treadmill. Twenty minutes later I had a mile in and had completed another task on my to don’t list. As much as I loved checking off the boxes on a to do list. Putting a check mark next to the to don’t list felt ten times better.

I wasn’t beating myself up. I was simply naming one thing that I wouldn’t do that day. Each day was different but each day meant something. Another day I wrote “I will not drink soda”. The funniest one for me was “I won’t complain about eating vegetables”. Each time I didn’t do that one thing and each day I felt like I had accomplished something. You want to know the best side effect of all this? I felt my depression leaving me. I was having more good days versus bad days. As a bonus I lost a pound. Yes I am back to 270. Being prediabetic I decided to start testing my sugar again and I decided I like the way I felt so I wanted to keep it going.

I believe timing is everything. Always having a list of a million things to get done was not working. Here is an example of what my weight loss to do list would look like:

  1. Drink 64 ounces of water. I never did this
  2. Eat three healthy meals
  3. Don’t eat any snacks. Didn’t even come close.
  4. Workout for 30 minutes
  5. Meditate or do yoga. It sounds good.
  6. Close your Apple Rings.

Do you see the kind of pressure I put on myself. I was writing this list every day and usually it was much longer. Please note this is my weight loss list, not even my list for work or home stuff. Just getting this on paper each day was a chore. I went from all of the above to “Don’t sit during your conference call”. That was the switch I needed to get myself together.

I’m so glad I was able to finally begin to get over the hump of the depression haze. I’m not turning off my brights just yet but I am better. I’m a little behind my weightless schedule but I am much better than I was before. I’ve lost 20 pounds in nine months and I have no intention on gaining it back. Even with the weight I gained back over this time there are 10 pounds that are gone from my frame forever.

My message this week is to create a to don’t list. Stay focused so you can spend more time celebrating your wins instead of killing yourself with things you need to do. I tell people all the time “You know what to do. You don’t need me to tell you what to do”. I need to take that advice myself. I know what to do. I just need to focus daily on listing the one thing I won’t do for the day so I can celebrate all the things I did do. I’m changing my mindset a little each day.