“I know my rear view can’t compare to what God will do with my life” Jonathan McReynolds
First let me say I can’t believe I have been on this journey this long and constantly blogging. As I finished my nine month on this journey I wanted to do some reflecting. Not to see if this was working, but to see if this was a journey I wanted to stay on. This is what I’ve learned.
- Posting a blog weekly is serious. There were so many weeks when I didn’t want to blog because honestly I failed. In the times that I failed I realized that I let life get in the way and prevent me from the plan I had created. It is so easy to come up with excuses but I should have come up with solutions.
- Blogging makes it easy to beat yourself up, or celebrate your success. You have to find a balance which often times can be hard. While I’m very good at finding the positive in other peoples situation I’m not so great at doing that for myself.
- Being true to yourself and who you are is the real win. I often had to call BS on so many things I was doing. I had to make real acknowledgments that I was full of it and simply trying to make a post look good. You don’t know how many times I would reread a post and delete it because it was so full of garbage. What you see on these pages is real. It’s the real struggle and sometimes the success, but it’s all real. Putting your life on a format for all to see has been eye opening. Irony is there were days I hoped no one would read it LOL.
Over the nine months I have done the following: Logged food, ate at the table, I was still, I moved, drank water, ate less fast food, created daily positive habits, practiced self care, and created a to don’t list. All of these things thus far have been fantastic. My issue was getting caught up in the next month that I forgot about the month before. That was one of the main reasons for this months reflection instead of going right into the next challenge.
As of today I weigh 270. I can say the 20 pounds lost still feels better than my starting weight. I can also say I feel like I’ve failed because following my challenge I should be 36 pounds lighter. A reasonable person would not beat themselves up over 16 pounds but if you’ve read anything I’ve written I’m a perfectionist. Basically I’m a hot mess.
I challenge anyone following this blog to do a week of reflection. What do you need to fix? What should you keep? What advice could you give to those struggling? If you are struggling how can you be helped?
I never thought this would be easy, but I swear I never thought it would be this hard. The plan moving forward is after pausing for a week I can now reset and figure out what really matters to me. Will I continue this journey, I don’t know. What I will do is decide to honestly assess what I want to do and stop lying to myself. The weight will not come off if I’m not going to work. I have to decide if I’m going to work.