Month 6 Week 4 – The Wall

“We were most creative when our back was against the wall” – Anita Roddick

I knew the day would come. I knew I would eventually hit what I have often referred to as “The Wall”. For me the wall is that time during my journey where I let everything go to hell. In the blink of an eye I have forgotten all my lessons and somehow reverted back to old habits. I tend to do this in work, relationships, and of course weight loss. I 100% know that this is due to depressions, but it still sucks when it happens.

The problem with the wall is that I don’t get hit all at once. It’s like someone is throwing small pebbles at me and then all of a sudden bricks. Before I know it I’m standing in front of a wall wondering how the hell I got here. This journey has been no different.

I decided to continue my education at the age of 43. My job is paying for it and honestly I believe I need this degree if I want to accomplish a few things in my career. No one is making me do this and I signed up 100%. My issue is math. I hate to admit it because there are so many stereotypes against girls in STEM fields, but me and math go toe to toe. Let me be clear. I can create a floor plan with perfect dimensions to build a garden. I can perfectly measure everything needed to do my bathroom remodel. I can create a budget for the year and figure out how to vacation with little to no money. If you consider this “basic” math, well I have basic math covered. The nemesis I am currently dealing with is linear equations. I need someone to tell me when I will ever need to create linear equations from a graph and I will become your new best friend.

As though math was not enough I am also working on several large projects at work. Again to be clear I signed up for these as well. I asked a question and someone thought that would be a great idea. That idea then turned into we should do it now. I continue to forget how fast paced my industry is, but honestly that’s why I love it. You want a project done? Challenge accepted.

With all of these things the last thing I thought about was what I ate. I ironically did not break my fast food rule, I just brought all the junk food in my house. Kroger had a sale on their premium ice cream so of course we stocked up. Butterscotch Blondie is some of the best stuff I’ve had all summer. Next there was a sale on Cheetos brand chips. Yep we stocked up on those as well. Mix in the fact that it’s summer and for some reason I like to eat everything in the summer, and “wallah” you see my issue. We are fully vaccinated so there are cookouts, parties, and road trips. I’m going to be honest. I am trying to get back all the time I lost being trapped in my house, but there is no sensible eating on these adventures.

I don’t have an excuse for my food choices and if you know me you fully realize I won’t give one. I simply messed up. I let a lot of circumstances in my life get out of control (all by my own hand) and now I need to fix them. So here is the plan.

I have to prioritize me. I fully see when I don’t take time and take care of myself everything else goes to hell. I have to prioritize my time in the gym. I have to prioritize meditation and prayer. I have to prioritize making and enjoying moments. If I do those things I will find motivation to do all the other things in my life. When someone throws a pebble I will throw that bitch back.

I want to leave you with this. There is only one person who is 100% responsible for your adult life. That is you. No one else can make you do a damn thing. It is also no one else responsibility to create or maintain your happiness. If we truly begin to own our shit we will be so much better for it.

If you have ever had to do a “reset” let me know. What strategies have helped you? Remember you might be holding the key that will help someone else. Let’s share.

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