“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself” – Matthew 6:34
I fear someone will find this blog and say “she’s still big as hell”. I fear that I will fall off the wagon again, but now I have a paper trail. I fear that I will start something I can’t finish. I fear I won’t close my Apple rings. That is a list of my superficial fears. I fear for my boys in todays racial climate. I fear for my family during this pandemic. I fear my husbands health will create irreversible issues. I fear for people are are not surviving as well as we are. I fear one day someone will recognize all my fears. Those are my fears that keep me up at night. My biggest fear of all is that I won’t be able to get past my fears. That I will let fear consume me, and fear is kissing cousins with failure.
I can’t slow down. I have to be doing something, thinking about something or planning something. You would think with all this energy I have I would be smaller but a lot of what I do is plan to eat. I still say Pinterest was created by the devil. That site has the ability to make everything look easy and quick. If I’m not looking for new recipes I’m looking for decorations. I’m looking for new workouts, new crafts, or new gifts I can buy. I usually go on the site with a purpose and end up getting side tracked into a worm hole that takes hours to get out of. When I’m done I have a list of things to do a mile long and another list of things I need to buy to accomplish said first list.
For you the worm hole might be Facebook, Instagram, Tic Tok, Twitter, Google, YouTube or Etsy. All of these sites have a way of letting you get lost in the possibilities. What they are for me is a rush of what I can do. What I can accomplish if I just focus. If you search a little I’m sure you will find lots of articles about how these sites are set up to do exactly what they do, trap you. They will provide you will lots of scientific data to reinforce the concept that it’s not your fault. Google will always reinforce your opinion if you dig hard enough for the answers you are trying to find. This blog post is not about blaming those sites, it’s not even about not going to those sites. This post is about Being Still. This post is about you deciding how and when you will begin to control your own actions.
If you have followed the plan so far you should have lost at least eight pounds. While you are not turning any heads that is exactly where you need to be on this journey. We are three months in and at this point I haven’t even told you to do the things you know you should. I haven’t told you to eat right or workout. I haven’t sold you a magic pill and as I stated in the beginning I have no intentions on doing that. Right now you are ready to go full speed onto the next thing and that is exactly why I’m going to tell you to slow down. Yes I hear you screaming you are already going at a turtle pace but remember the turtle beat the hare. The hare thought he had time to rest because he had done so much yet slow and steady won the race. This post is about slow and steady and if your mind is not slowing down you are headed in the wrong direction.
Sometimes when we pick up speed we trip and fall, or in my case get run over by buses and wagons. How many times have you been in a weight loss journey and “fallen off the wagon”. You either dust your self off and keep going or you stop your journey and stay under the wagon for awhile. While you’re under the wagon you figure you might as well have some cake (insert food of your choice). I think the problem is sometimes we stay under the wagon so long it gets comfortable. We enjoy that space until we see the next shiny thing to run after. The next pill to make us skinny or the next piece of workout equipment to get us back on track. In this plan we are not falling off any wagons because we are moving too slow to fall. We might trip a little but the fall will never be hard enough to cause you to stop. Remember you are only being asked to lose one pound.
Why Be Still? I called this month Be Still and I actually have that tattooed on my arm. It is to remind me that in times where I’m in go go go mode I need to stop and just be. The saying for all the fellow believers out there is “Be still and know that I am God” Psalms 46:10. I am fully aware that God strengthens me on a daily basis, but like everything else in my life I need a little reminder. I have several tattoos but only this one is visible and that was very intentional. It’s visible because again I need to be reminded. I need to tell myself at all times that its ok for me to just stop moving. This is going to be the hardest chapter for a lot of people to get through. This will be the hardest 30 days because you will feel like you are not doing anything, but this is the chapter that saved my life. This was the month that taught me gratitude. This was the month that taught me to love myself. This was the mont that told me I am enough.
The way I selected what I wanted to do for the next chapter was to see what God put on my heart. When I started the journey I said I would do it different. Instead of picking twelve things for twelve months that I wanted to work on I would pick one at a time. I also would not think about the next month. I would focus on what I was supposed to be doing in that month. By the last day if the month if something didn’t pop in my head I figured I would then decide what I wanted to do. That never happened by the way. Remember my brain never stops running so I always had a million thoughts. The challenge was narrowing down what I wanted to work on.
This particular month I was feeling a lot of anxiety. Perhaps it was due to the Covid situation or perhaps it was just the uncertainty of everything. I was more anxious and jittery than I had been in previous months. At the end of the day I would feel as though I had accomplished nothing and have idea after idea running through my head. I was in a perpetual state of wonder as my good friend would say. I wondered what I was supposed to be doing, supposed to be working on, supposed to be cooking, supposed to be cleaning, whom I was supposed to call back. I simply felt off and from a person who suffers from depression and anxiety that is a scary place for us to be. What begins to happen as anxiety sets in is its friend doubt comes to visit. Again this is a deadly combination if left untreated. On the last day of the month at 10:34pm I was told to Be Still.
I will fully admit to you I had no idea what that meant. I had no idea how that would help with my weight loss, but I will tell you what I did know. You don’t question when God speaks to you. I went in with eyes and heart open to what was due to follow. What happened was I knew I just needed to spend some time in silence. Some time with my mind not running frantically. I started meditation. I began by using an app. I know I know I know, me and my apps. The apps helped me because they were guided meditation. My brain wasn’t asked to stop, it was just asked to slow down. This was my baby step. My baby step in letting in a little more God and pushing out a little more doubt.
I challenge you to try meditation this week. Start with one minute then work your way up. No amount of time is too short, there are no rules. Please feel free to make it up as you go along. Let me know how meditation works for you. Let me know if you learn to turn your brain off, just for a little while.
I lost my one pound this week. I spent this time not worrying about tomorrow. I spend this time finally living in the moment and embracing what was to come.